Beauty of BLACK....

Of my long Delhi stay, what accompanied me from there was only this bracelet. The black heart bracelet! Nothing else in whole Delhi could alter my attraction or allure me to get it bought. When I was purchasing it, my cousin asked me, "Is your favorite colour black?" I was a bit amazed and questioned back, "How do you know?" "Well," he replied, "Easy to guess. Black blazer, black sandles, black bag and now black bracelet." I laughed and said that I love crimson colour also. Especially the colour of clotted blood attracts me a lot. 

The bracelet costs below 100/-. But when I looked at it, I knew I have to get it. However, I hardly got it on my wrist. I love to gaze it. Gaze it endlessly. It is extremely beautiful. The shine on the heart-shaped black stone is stunning. Even more stunning than the white beads surrounding it. There were actually two bracelets. The other was white. But I hardly noticed that one. Once my eyes got fixed on it, I couldn’t alter my attention. The reason was the black heart inside.

I know I am not that impossible as people call me. It is just my likes are different. Not pre-set or pre-defined. It is just the pre-defined rules fall false on me. And so I appear odd. May be! Whatever! I never found any reason for pink to be my favourite colour. It has always been black. And it will be. No matter if it throws me away from the crowd. I was never a part of the crowd either.

Why I love the colour black so much is a question I come across so often. And I never tried to find out the answer. It is just the way it is. Black has always fascinated me. I love the dark effect prevailing behind. Black has no limit. It is the ultimate colour. Once anything turns black, it remains black forever. Black is consistent. It never changes. White can turn black. But no colour in the world can ever destroy black colour itself. Black is prominent. Black is eternal. Black is the real definition. The soothing effect the colour black brings is unique in the world. Black defines darkness. Darkness is stiffness. Stiffness is consistency. Consistency is obstinacy. Obstinacy is possession. Possession is obsession. And obsession is everything. I am obsessed for the colour black. Even when I purchase diaries, I prefer to the black cover. Black covered books attract me a lot. Whole range of my hairclips is black in colour. Black is imperfect. And imperfection is my obsession.

I don’t know why there is so much hypocrisy in the name of perfection. I hate the idealist masks which hide the cruel hypocrite faces.

Yes, I am impossible! As impossible as any girl could ever be! I have no regrets for that. I know my life is not going to shower flowers on me. Lord Krishna made me realize the fact at very young age that my life will never bring miracles for me. But that day, I promised myself that my life would be miraculous. I promised myself happiness. Yes I am ziddi. And I love myself for that. The more complication life brings, the crueler I turn out to be. The more stiff and complex I become, the easier life goes….

Loving my way.... This is what love means to me...

Love is a genuine feeling only for those people who are mature enough to dare for it and care for it. Love never comes to those who haven’t become mature enough in their life. Sadly, in today’s life-style it is hard to find such a person who is mature enough to deserve love.

Love never happens for temporary things like beautiful face or personality or wealth. The everlasting feeling of love always looks for permanent and strong things like nature, ideas, thoughts, views, gesture and behavior.

Love is like a co-valent bond. There is nothing like ‘give’ or ‘take’ in love. It is all about sharing. Like carbon and hydrogen share electrons in co-valent bond, lovers share feelings, care, trust, commitment and life. Where there is anything like give or take as in the ionic bond of Sodium Chloride where Sodium always gives and Chlorine always takes, it cannot be love. Because, one day the person who is in the habit of giving might become proud for making all contributions and the person who always takes might feel guilty of doing nothing at all. There could be another situation like the ultimate giver may get irritated and the ultimate taker starts taking it for granted. Love is, however, to be valued. And value is in sharing. Love is all about sharing.

Love always happens to people alike each other. The theory of ‘opposite attracts’ works well for friendship. But for love, the ultimate theory of ‘birds of same feather flock together’ works. The relationship which grows on the theory of opposite attracts, more or less meets an end. In my opinion, love flourishes when the lovers share good understanding. And understanding comes when the two actually feel each other’s feelings. It can happen only when both of them have gone through similar phases of life. It is quite unreasonable to expect a person sweet by nature, to understand the toughness one bears in his/her persona. Though both of them could be mature, it becomes really hard to maintain such a relation which counts more on differences than the similarities. Mostly people like that very instinct in anybody’s nature which they don’t have in themselves. But such a relation can count well on friendship, not on love. Love flourishes between people who are similar because such a relation develops and goes easy on understanding.

Love adjusts not compromises. If there are a lot of compromises, then certainly it is not love.

Love never makes one feel guilty. If you feel guilty for loving someone, then certainly there is some hidden selfishness in this relation. Or maybe, you know that you are not the right person for him/her. Better, you let it go.

Love never weakens. Love is a powerful feeling. It always strengthens the lovers. It gives them the courage to fight the odds and get a way which suits everybody. Love is like a flamboyant river-stream which finds its own way, cutting all the rocks coming in the way and finding a way through all the obstacles. And what makes it more miraculous that even after going against the rocks; it makes them more meaningful than before.

Love never destroys. Love has the power of construction which creates trust, faith, care and commitment.

Love never makes you feel ashamed. If you are afraid of accepting it in front of anybody, then certainly you are not in love. Truth is, the moment you fall in love, you actually rise in life.

Love gives the strength to confront life more enthusiastically and joyously.

Love makes life beautiful.

There are no people like boyfriends or girlfriends in the world of love. There are just lovers who care for their love.

Love is not a thing of timepass. Those who try to pass time with such a genuine feeling like love, are actually destroyed by its chastity and mostly remain unloved all throughout their life.

There is only one desire in love - to make the other happy and feel special. Love just counts. It happens unexpected but stays forever.

There is nothing like show-off in love. It is just the surplus amount of happiness which gets reflected itself.

Love is very precious and comes only to those who are capable enough to value it and care for it. It never goes to those who try to play with it or make fun of it. Love never goes to kids or immature people who cannot hold it.

Only mature, truthful and honest people are blessed with love in life.

A successful marriage does not count on its being love marriage or arrange marriage. It simply depends on the two people involved. Be it any kind of marriage, its success always counts on love. It is just a myth that arranged marriages are more successful. It is only that arranged marriages mostly happen on the family’s will. It may at times be full of compromises and sufferings and sacrifices. But since the parents do not get their children married on the basis of feelings, they seem a petty issue for them. However, such a condition simply leads to depression and destruction. Similarly, just a love marriage cannot guarantee success if the people aren’t mature enough to value and care for relations. There is actually nothing like love marriage or arranged marriage at all. In the former, you find your life-partner before your parents do and in the latter; your parents find your life-partner before you do. Whether you’ll live a happy life or not simply depends on your maturity. It is quite a foolishness to destroy one’s life just in the name of sacrifice for parents. If your parents are unable to understand your feelings, then it simply means that you didn’t maintain such a healthy relation with your parents which is called a mutual bond. And if you find that the person your parents chose is right, your love story starts at that very instinct leading you to a love marriage. Similarly, the moment you find a person whom you find alike, who understands you and completes you, you yourself discover the ways to appease your parents which leads you to a happy arranged marriage. It all depends on finding the right person who could make you complete. And the ability to figure out the right person comes by maturity. Maturity comes by responsibilities and life-experiences. Responsibilities and life-experiences second a self-made person. People are self-made by struggles. Struggles give the experiences of life. And those who experience life, value love in every ways. Self-made people do not rely on external reasons. They become mature enough to make their life beautiful on their own. And they know that the key to a beautiful life is love.

Love means falling for the same person every new day for a new reason always a new way…

There is also a bit of intense insanity in love. Because if it is not insane, it is not love…

Concluding,

Love is a genuine feeling only for those people who are mature enough to dare for it and care for it…

Ultimate Desire

Beautiful to just reside,

In some place at countryside

A jungle full of dry leaves

Soundless whimpers which receives

Pondering over the mountain grass

Let the wind flawless pass

Dipping hand in the country stream

Endless let the clouds scream

Drowsy evening warm to get

Spectrum horizon red sunset

Luminous stars and the sky so dark

Bright moonlight and the twinkling spark

Silent calm soothing night

Wooden cottage candle light

Away the world and the wants

Pains heartbreaks all enchants

Away the hypocrite mass

Just a life and solitary merry lass… 

Norman Bates.... And what is next...???

Norman Bates was completely under his mother’s influence. His mother Norma Bates taught him that being a woman is a sin but she herself is the holiest woman. She taught him to hate all women on the planet. He loved her mother dearly but hated every female except her. Not to be mentioned that Norma Bates had turned psycho due to unsuccessful love and Norman Bates inherited this psychotic nature from his mother. Later Norma found a man who loved her truly. Her mind changed but this relation was not welcomed by the teenager Norman. One day he murdered both of them but guilt overpowered him. He burnt his Step Dad’s corpse but preserved his mother’s and assumed that she couldn’t die. Norma was a strong woman and Norman couldn’t believe that she died of his hands.

From here the bloody game started…

Norman never believed that his mother was dead. And he always remembered what she had told him about other women. Thereafter, dramatically a serial murder of females started in the city. A woman dressed in long robe with a knife in her hands would plunge the dagger bringing the captive to death. The police went on heels but never found that woman. Connecting the links, it was discovered that all women murdered, happened to be either Norman’s girlfriends or acquaintances. Norman was arrested and he gave his statement that it was actually his mother who was doing all this murders. He told the police that every night his mother’s spirit leaves her body and enters his and commits all the murders. Norman was diagnosed as a victim of DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER. He was mentally ill and assumed that actually his soul was under his dead mother’s dominance who directed all the murders. Norman was jailed and sent to mental hospital. But he escaped thrice from the mental hospital and twice from the jail. The concept of escape via toilet or gutter was first seen in the case of Norman Bates. Later he was spotted outside city and the police preferred to encounter him rather than arresting that enemy of women…

Robert Bloch, the creator of Norman Bates, came forward to declare it a complete fiction when the women had developed a dead fear for handsome guys. Norman Bates was deadly handsome and charming. He was soft-spoken and cool minded. He used his nature to lure women and then bring them to death. Norman Bates is considered one of the deadliest devils after Dracula. However, Dracula being a vampire was assumed a myth by one and all but Norman Bates was never understood the same. Norman Bates inspired a number of movies and stories. He is considered to be the first psycho killer of fiction world. Many characters of Indian Cinema were inspired from Norman Bates. Rahul Mehra, the central character of the movie Darr played by Shahrukh Khan was highly inspired by Norman Bates. Exception only coming the way was the motive of love and grudge. In the movie, the motive was psychotic love unlike the grudge of Norman Bates. The role played by Kajol in the movie Gupt was more or less similar. The escape from jail via gutters also came from Norman Bates’ unmatchable mind. Norman Bates was the man who created terror amongst women. No matter how many declarations Robert Bloch made to clarify the fictional existence of Norman Bates, it is still considered that Norman Bates lived once, the name being different.

It is still a question whether Norman Bates was actually fiction….????

I discovered all these facts while I was doing some research for the villain of my novel “The Untrodden Ways”. I had to make the villain deadliest of all. And I can say now, that Indian fiction has not seen any such psycho villain as mine, recently. In case of Norman Bates, the grudge was against females, in case of “The Untrodden Ways”, the grudge is against scientists…

My latest novel "The Untrodden Ways"

So friends, here is the trailer of my novel 'THE UNTRODDEN WAYS'.
Don't forget to leave your comment...

The Untrodden Ways

Expectations and beyond...

Nothing is heavier than the loads of expectations. The load not only gives an everlasting pain inside your head but also an incurable ache to your conscience. The biggest problem with the load of expectation is its ever increasing nature. Loads of expectations never decrease. The more you fulfill the expectations, the more they increase and that too fiercely. It doesn’t matter whether your skills grow in that ratio or not, expectations keep increasing time by time and simultaneously your worth also decreases. When you start fulfilling the expectations, you don’t understand that your worth and value had already been crushed or forgotten. The expectations increase only when you are taken for granted… You are taken for granted and are expected to fulfill the expectations without any sign of a sigh and when you try to give them a sense of your worth, you are likely to be termed arrogant or haughty. You can also be termed careless, irresponsible or attention seeker. There also comes a pathetic situation when you crush all your dreams, desires, hopes and all the peace and tranquility of your mind and heart to fulfill the expectations and even after that, you are questioned back, “What have you done for us….?”

       

                     

The pain of being a victim of expectations gradually makes you aware of the very little expectations you have from others, yes the same ones who never think twice before accusing you for being careless for not fulfilling their expectations. You start feeling that expectations you have from others, might also be giving them the same pain. You withdraw your expectations gradually. You start finding bliss in giving only, never expecting anything in return… not even a word of praise or gratefulness…. You disconnect yourself from others…. The presence of your mind is felt in the world but the peace of your mind keeps wandering restlessly…. You know and understand that the world remembers you only for your utility…. But still you find that after your countless efforts of fulfilling the expectations, you are unable to please others…. Then, you withdraw yourself inside your shell…. You draw a circumference around your shell, never allowing anybody to cross that….  You feel happy inside…. You discover your bliss…

You make the shell rock hard protecting yourself inside, so that even if anybody crosses your circumference and comes closer, you could be termed arrogant and rude being inside the shell and never coming out. But you don’t care because you know that the one who crossed the circumference and cursed you for not coming out the shell, had his own expectations…. But bearing the curses you feel happy inside because you know that you have already expectations to fulfill and you know that nobody is going to cross the circumference with a desire to give instead of a desire to take… and nobody has the genuine guts to break the shell and take you out… before you rot inside….

To whom I may concern....

The reward of my writing I got from my colleagues is now I write and type almost all official letters. Few weeks ago, it was one of such days, when I was typing an official letter. While I was re-reading it for editing I figured that I had done a mistake with the header of the letter – “TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN”

I had left the letter ‘T’ by mistake and now it read, “TO WHOM I MAY CONCERN”

Whole sentence caught not only my eyes and attention but also my thoughts and sub-conscious mind. It somewhat echoed inside my brains – “To whom I may concern…..????”

All of us know the meaning of the above mentioned sentence. It is meant for the addressee. That the letter being sent is whole his/her responsibility and the content inside the letter matter to them and deserve their prior concern. Once the sender sends the letter, his concerns end right there and then the addressee’s concerns arise.

As I read my mistaken line, I felt myself like similar letter. But in my case, - “To whom I may concern” is not a header. It is rather a question. The answer yet to be discovered.

What are the contents in my case? My nature, my behavior, my anger, my cares, my affection and every that little thing good or bad I possess. To whom these may concern?

My book got fame. I got name. Whenever I look around myself, I come across thousands of people who are ‘interested’ in me. But not a single person ‘concerned’ to me. A lot of people are there who will willingly raise their hands up to take the credit of my success, but not a single person to hold my hand amongst my failure. A few acquaintances call me crazy for the immense planning I do before beginning any new thing. I do not feel the necessity to reply them. But if there is any reason, then it only is, that failure could make me weaker in spite of all the promises made to me during my success season. Whenever I think about anyone concerned to me, a void comes to my thoughts…

Generally you walk fast when you have to travel all alone. You know that nobody is there for your company and thus your destination gets your prime focus rather than the pleasures and enjoyments of the ways….

I never found happiness. I always created it. I never ran after laughter. Instead, I created moments to laugh. Because I know that till date, it is only myself to whom I may concern….

Unfortunately, I had taken the print out of that mistaken mistyped letter and thinking not to waste it, I had kept it in my purse for some use in future. Few minutes ago, I was looking for my pocket diary in which I had written an important scene of my second novel. I always keep this diary in my purse and as I was hunting through my purse, this piece of paper came across my hands.

Life is all about being concerned. It is most probable that in near future, in such a similar case, somebody would willingly replace the word ‘whom’ with ‘Sneha’ but I don’t know whether I would ever come across any such moment or not!

I think it is my first blog where I have opened my heart to this extent.

With my downed eyes, I am reading that mistaken header which appears as a question mark to me – “TO WHOM I MAY CONCERN…?”